Competition

Shocked isn't the right word at all, because I was expecting it to happen anyway, but Joe didn't call yesterday. No text, no phone call, nothing. Not like I was waiting for it, but I did sort of expect him to get a clue?? Does it take awhile to sink in, or is he trying to give me a clue of my own? I didn't let it take up too much space in my brain, since I've already been letting the idea of being with Joe slip farther away from my grasp. If I've learned anything in my marathon of dating go-rounds, it's that holding on too tightly just isn't what it's cracked up to be. Especially when I'm the only one playing tug of war. What's the point of winning?

Graham called last night (!), and we talked for a bit. There's still a bit of the nervousness present in me when I talk to him, and I'm curious if he feels the same. I'm trying really hard to remember how it's been at the beginning with the last couple of people I've dated, but it's hard to go back to the start in my mind and know if my feelings and jitters are progressing at the normal rate. I guess it would be easier to remember beginnings of relationships if I didn't end them and start them over with the same person like pressing the return key on a typewriter.

We made a dinner date for Friday night, and that gives me almost three full days to obsess over what to wear and how to not look hookerish or matronly while still looking like someone this Graham guy would want to be seen in public with. Three days is worse than having an hour, since I'll have too much time to overanalyze the importance of every little detail of my appearance. An hour forces an urgent (and usually sensible) decision. And here I go, making it a negative thing that I actually have a dinner date on a Friday night with a good-looking incredible guy....??!!!

So everything's easy to see, right? Joe proved that he didn't listen to what I outlined as being of the utmost importance to me (daily communication), and Graham pulled through by actually calling before the famous "three-day rule" was in effect (our lunch was Sunday, he called Tuesday night), more points to pile on top of his staggeringly high score. Well, it couldn't really be so cut and dry. I guess it could, but this is me we're talking about, so naturally there are details to add that make this more complex.

Joe called this morning. Yes, in the morning. Just to call, for no reason other than a "hi/hello/how was your day," which is has been what I've wanted from him all along. I guess I'll ride this out, definitely for awhile. I do care, and maybe he just needs a few swifts kicks in the behind to get some momentum. I'm going to dinner on Friday, though, regardless. This is bound to get interesting.