Good things Come to Those who Wait

Patience. I need some. Everything's always hurried...not the obvious things that are part of daily life, that someone else's naked eyes could see, but inner workings of my expectations and wants. Just like Alabama sings, "...in a hurry to get things done; rushin' rushin till life's no fun...in a hurry and don't know why." I ought to just slow down and get used to the idea that everything worthwhile does, in fact, take time and effort, just like all of the old adages so aptly state.

For example, the subject of my education is rushed, in my mind. I feel as if everyone my age has already proceeded down the road that leads to the "real world," a road which begins with that initial walk across the stage of a university in a cap and gown. I know this assumption isn't quite true, because facts are facts, and plenty of folks my age and older aren't even close to a 4-year degree. Nevertheless, my heart sinks just knowing how far behind in the queue of career-dom I am, in comparison to where I could be, had I not done a first class job at slacking off in college my first go-round.

Beyond college, there is an issue which, of course, weighs even heavier on my mind, whether I admit it or not, it is present. I can blame it on being female, or I can blame it on the abundance of idiots I seem to have dug up in the last few years, I can blame it on plenty of factors, since I'm quite skilled at putting others at fault for nearly everything. Here again, once the layers of the onion are peeled away, I'm left feeling a bit lonely because of the fact I haven't hit the jackpot in the grand game of relationship roulette. I say that now strictly on the belief that I don't want to jinx myself (which I am about to do), since I have, in fact, met someone quite special who I am dating exclusively. Trouble is, when I do realize I've met someone special, I always burn with the desire for things to speed up, and then when I actually achieve the speed I wished for, my eyes turn out to be bigger than my stomach, and I bolt faster than you can say "It's not you, it's me." Or, worse (well, sort of), I settle for a steady cruise, and then find myself left in the dust for no particular reason at all (Thanks, to my ex, for that new and different fear that was created).

With my current beau, I'd like to think the cruise control is working like a charm. It's so difficult to judge a relationship objectively, especially when I'm plagued with this get-it-in-high-gear attitude that's apparently pretty ingrained in my mind. It is harvest, that's his territory (occupation), and he did warn me about his M.I.A. status during this season. I told him I'd pull through, and I would prove to him I could handle it, regardless of our connection only having just recently hit the beginning stages. If I can't handle his being swamped with work this time of year, what would be the point of my sticking around, anyway, for the long run? It's tough, though, that's for sure. I can't complain much, he is such a sweetheart, and I will take the risk of getting my heart handed back to me, it's what I signed up for.

Maybe it's just the lesson in patience I need. I suppose I'll just have to wait and see.