Ex-boyfriend Deja Vu, and enter Bachelor Number Two

The day was last Wednesday, and Joe (who I referred to as the "current beau" in a previous post) called, which I was expecting. I only use the term "expecting" because of the fact I didn't hear from him on Tuesday, and I desperately didn't want to begin the process of writing him off. Granted, I'm a pessimist, and thus always standing at the door ready to unchain the lock and bolt, never to be seen again in the relationship (as my track record of late wouldn't really prove...since I've been partial to prodigal boyfriends lately), but I really did want this to work. I do, still...don't I? I do. But seriously, harvest-season or not, time is there when you make it, specifically when you care about someone.

The point of even mentioning this conversation that was had on Wednesday is to mark a date in time that I specifically outlined to Joe just how much it meant to me to receive a call, or in a pinch, at the very very least, a text, as some form of communication on a daily basis. It wasn't a direct order, and it wasn't said in a nagging or irritating tone. It was presented in an assertive as well as flattering way, I'm proud to say. And it was discussed pleasantly for awhile, surprisingly enough. I thought it was pretty clear? Well, the clarity of it hit a foggy spell on the way to Escalon (home of Joe) apparently, because I didn't hear from him again in any way, shape, or form until Saturday night, after I was sleeping. Technically I was awake, but I decided I was officially "sleeping," since I really didn't have the patience to not fly off the handle...and this girl has no desire to tarnish her reputation for having quality, easy-to-read communication skills. Sunday he called (once again, in the evening...), then Monday afternoon, and I finally spoke with him.

He knew I was grumpy (I'm not good at hiding it), I told him why, he apologized, and he delivered a speech almost identical to that of my ex in Stockton. I replied quickly with a very clear response that basically said, "There's time for whatever you make time for." Done. Of course, it went on longer than that, but that was the main message. I really want him to prove me wrong, because I know he genuinely cares, but it's been demonstrated to me time and time again in the past that my knowledge of someone's feelings for me, regardless of how true and real they are, doesn't make it less important for them to show me some consideration regularly.

As if there weren't enough to occupy my thoughts, I introduced another variable. Throughout my dealings with Joe, I have not deactivated my profile on match. Sure, it might be "cheating," it might not. I've decided it's not, since there has been no official conversation concerning a title with me in it. I've been especially at peace with my profile's presence on the site as of late, due to the lack of even a kind thought thrown my direction from Joe's scatterbrain.

Subscribing, on the other hand, might get me into trouble, though. I ended up giving in after I was emailed by a striking gentleman whose story I just had to check out. As it turns out, he's not only tall, dark, and handsome, but very smart and quite a guy. I know all of this firsthand...since we had a great lunch date on Sunday. Yep, now Joe has some competition. Not to his knowledge. But isn't it healthy not to throw all of your eggs in one basket right away? Especially when Graham is just sooo sweet.

Mr. match.com and I are supposed to get together later in the week, and I'm also hoping that Joe cleans up his act. I do care about him, but I already sense myself creating some distance. I don't want to get hurt. I just want someone to seem like the right fit, a fit that I don't have to squeeze into or bend over backwards. Dating shouldn't be as hard as shopping for blue jeans.